Dear Baby J

Dear Baby:

I love you already, as does the rest of the world. Just last week Raymond admitted that he was a bundle of nerves awaiting your test results, "I can't believe how many people are already emotionally invested in this child."

It's crazy.

There are at least three gay men awaiting the news as to whether you're a boy or a girl so we can collectively ruin your father's life with the cost of the most amazing nursery you've ever seen. He tried to tell me that I wasn't going to enjoy decorating as much as I think I am because he is going to put me on a budget. The gay men laughed at your daddy.

It was pretty funny.

When you're born there will be three sets of grandparents and two sets of aunts and uncles coming to "See the baby." Yes, that was a reference to Jerry Seinfeld. Don't worry. I'll TiVo it for you so that you'll find it funny too when we're chilling before I have to go back to work.

Your baby shower, my love?

Epic. I am trying to find a fire-breathing little person to welcome guests. I'm sorry you won't get to see it. I'll take pictures.

You see, little baby, there are a lot of people who can't wait to meet you. Your dad is already researching hiking backpacks to carry you in and has explained the benefits of pumping so he can bond during feedings. He wants you so badly that he has given me a list of rules to live by. I get the "No texting, emailing or talking on the phone while driving, Little!" rule, but when I want McDonald's fries and he tells me they're not good for you it does endanger his life for a brief moment.

I don't even mind that you've made me a morning person. I used to be a night owl, love, but the extreme afternoon nausea and coma-inducing sleep have left me with only three hours of "on" time in the morning. It is confusing a lot of people, but we'll manage.

I guess what I'm trying to say, little one, is that I can't wait to meet you. Love will surround you like that fur you're growing that sounds kind of gross.

And, I have to tell you.

You're really going to love your dad.

Love and mush,

Me