Thankful

I was going to post a pithy little list on Facebook of all the thinks I'm thankful for today. It certainly would have included mascara, shoes and Mr. J.

I just couldn't do it.

I stopped and started, deleted and chewed my lip. It felt silly, indulgent. I stared out the window of my mother in law's house at desert flowers and realized that this Thanksgiving is different. I won't go on a long-winded diatribe about all the love and mush surrounding the holiday or even lecture you on Pilgrims and Indians.

That's simply overdone.

What I will tell you is that I saw a toddler taking unsure steps at the airport yesterday and realized that next year our little angel will be experiencing her first Thanksgiving. I saw a baby lying across his daddy's lap on our plane and wondered if Olivia will be fussy on her first flight exactly a year from now.

Mr. J put his hand on my belly last night, "Do you think it is possible that I could love you more? When I see your belly I can only think, "That's my wife and we're having a family. She's growing my baby."

"My sister said that your relationship changes when you have a child together. Her husband told her he loved her more after she had Elise. She said watching him be a father did the same thing for her. Plus, I'm extra-special amazing. Can you go buy me some Tums?"

I noticed that the way he looks at me has gotten a little softer around the edges, a little bit of a Jesus glow about him. He makes me stop on my fiftieth trip to pee so he can get a "belly rub" in and when I double over from a muscle cramp he always asks if the baby is ok, "Don't hurt my baby, Little!" He wants to buy the largest area rug we can find so our little girl doesn't have to crawl around on cold tile.

Last year I would have told you that I was thankful for mascara, shoes and maybe even baked goods. This year our dream of having a baby actually has a feisty little kicker with a name attached to it and includes a lot more reality than the list has in the past.

This year I have everything I've ever wanted.

And then some.

Happy Thanksgiving, kids.

I hope you are warm, fat and happy with all the family tucked around you!