Negotiate This, Punk

Word on the street is that I've lost my filter and I may be a little snappish. I did refer to a man's business practice as douchebaggery this week.

I kind of like it.

I typically have a tendency to be the first to wave my white flag in the interest of class and tact. I will apologize first, be the bigger person, aid us to understanding and use lullaby words. I will ignore the snide tone of your voice, the manipulating comments and simply catalog them for later when I let you know that I'm on to you. Usually when someone walks away from an argument they compliment me. Something about a calm head under pressure and my sparkling wit. A friend once told me she thought maybe I was reincarnated many times over and wise beyond my years.

Fantastic, isn't that great, it has served me well in business, blah blah blah. But, man it feels good to tear into some flesh and not let go. I never knew there was a high like this, a way to finally say all those things that I would just quietly judge you about later. I get to tell you and forget you, rather than walking around with notes in the back of my head. I don't hurt feelings on purpose, but as Mr. J says, "People sometimes take advantage of you because they don't know you're on to them at first. You need to hand them their ass sooner."

I am not the one to look a man in the eye in a work situation and say, oh something like, I know you're being a tool right now and I caught the smarmy reference to my experience and your outright manipulation of the actual situation. Repeating the same sentence in three different ways doesn't break me down and sell me. I see through you, dick, and you better get your shit right before I slit your throat.

No, that is simply what I'm thinking.

What I would say comes out something like, Look, we're both professionals and I respect your business. I don't see, however, how we are going to come to an agreement until we both give a little something. It's a negotiation. It's not personal. I'll be the first to the table with X. This is what I'd like in return....

Yawn.

But, now?

It is somewhere in the middle, with a side of sass and a bit of I got you, punk.

Maybe it is just the byproduct of pregnancy, but it feels pretty fucking awesome.