Bad Behavior

It was as I was cuddling my daughter, teetering over the tiny little hands and toes in my new BCBG suede platform pumps that I noticed a new little baby, big blue eyes and a very attractive ensemble.

"Who's this?"

The teacher smiled, "This is Hudson! She's new and so easy to care for...."

I felt my lips purse as we all know that Livi is definitely not "so easy to care for..." No, she is funny, adorable, super sweet and incredibly demanding. There is no grunting or pointing, only shrill screams to inform you if you're not feeding her fast enough, not putting her shoes on right or simply annoying her by your presence and inferior intelligence.

"She's adorable!"

"Oh yes, very stylish."

I turned to pull Livi's diaper bag from her peg and noticed Hudson's next to the Petunia Picklebottom I may have dropped a pretty penny on prior to my pumpkin's arrival. It was the one I referred to when I came home from picking Livi up from school after her first day, "Livi has all kinds of new friends. There's Liam and Eric and Natalie..."

He interrupted me, "But Livi's the smartest and most beautiful, right?"

He regularly interrupts most mentions of other children with, "Our daughter is simply the most beautiful child ever born. And the smartest. Got it?"

I nodded that yes, of course, she was the most beautiful because whenever I've said, "Well so-and-so is awfully cute," he then questions my loyalty to our offspring and can be heard telling on me, "Livi, your mom needs to have her eyes checked...." I smiled conspiratorially and only because I know it goads him on, "Not only is she the most beautiful, but she's also the best dressed and has the best diaper bag."

He laughed, "We're snobs. You know we have to stop talking like this in front of her soon."

"Very soon."

So, when I came home and told Mr. J about Livi's new friend, Hudson, and how cute she was... Well, let's just say there was a bit of loud conversation in which I admitted that yes, she was better dressed than Livi, may have whispered, "she even has a cooler diaper bag," and ended in the decree that I am never allowed to buy her clothes from Target and Livi would soon resume her title as Best Dressed.

I shared this funny little story with Raymond last week. About two sentences in he looked at me with great humor about his eyes.

"Merryhill in Summerlin?"

"Yes."

He looked like he was snacking on something righteous, "You do know who Hudson is, right? She's my friend's daughter. Remember? Two dads? Adopted her in March?"

"Ohmygod. We have no fucking chance."

"Her birthday is coming up and you know all of us are buying her outfits."

I groaned and I do believe he stood up as he yelled, "The gays win! Again!"

I immediately sent Mr. J an email, "Hudson is Raymond's friend's daughter. Olivia doesn't have the budget to out dress her. And Raymond says he wins. Again."

Mr. J typically is a bit of a stickler about how much I spend on clothes, but when I mentioned today that Livi is outgrowing her little skinny jeans he turned the car toward Baby Gap and marched straight to the sale rack. I found a few things that were not on sale and realizing I had one shot I called out, "This isn't on sale, but it would so out-do Hudson," as I held up a dress.

"We're getting it! Hudson's going down!"

I giggled as I pulled it from the rack.

And then turned around to see Hudson lounging in an adorable outfit with little gold shoes on tucked deeply in one of her daddy's arms.

Well shit.

I couldn't be sure whether I'd been caught, so smiled sweetly, "Is this Hudson?"

Daddy laughed, introduced us to his mother and mentioned we were the ones he was telling her about, the funny story Raymond told him and such. Mr. J seemed a little tight and quiet and I couldn't think of what to say next. We made small talk about milestones while we paid for our stash and headed toward our car. We turned the corner from Baby Gap, into Gap Kids and when the coast was clear we could clearly be seen speaking out of the sides of our mouths, unimpressed Liv in tow.

"We are so busted."

"I hope they didn't hear us."

"Even if they didn't we so got caught trying to upstage Hudson. We didn't even like slowly drip cool outfits on her. She so has the upper hand."

"I hope she likes us."

We both started laughing as I texted Raymond about our bad behavior.

Trevor smiled as he drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, "Seriously, we have to stop talking like this in front of her."

"I know, but it is so funny."

"Oh, and you can't do the flying monkey punch anymore. She's going to think you beat me."

"I know...."

We both sighed as we headed home.

This little girl... oh, how she makes a mess of us.